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The other day my sweet grandma paid for her and I to go get pedicures. Not only was I excited to spend time with her, I was excited for a little, you know, pampering. I can’t paint my nails well to save my life, but this time it was going to look pretty and perfect. I mean what girl doesn’t like feeling a little spoiled sometimes? Well apparently...me.
As I settled into the luxury armchair with the footbath at the base of it I found myself imagining the blush pink color I had picked out on my toes. Would I like it? Should I have picked a different color? Would it chip before I even got home? And most importantly, would it look good with my Chacos? The pedicurist motioned for me to put my feet into the warm water and when I did, instant relaxation swept over me. Even after walking in from the 108 degree Arizona heat the water pushed any tension away. For a moment that is.
I picked the pedicure package that I wanted and the pedicurist got right to work. He pulled one of my feet out of the tub and rested it on the ledge. Taking a little silver tool into his hand, he began cleaning off the built up cuticle grossness on my toes. It was then that the muscles in my legs tensed and my mind seemed to scream STOP. I wanted to pull my foot away. I wanted to pull my mask down and smile at him, letting him know that I appreciated what he was doing. I wanted to tell him to switch places with me and I would clean all the gunk off of his feet. What on earth was wrong with me that a simple pedicure felt so... wrong?
In this moment I was reminded of the passage in John 13:1-17 where Jesus washes his disciples feet. It was such a beautiful act of humility. Of service. Of love. But I was struggling to accept any of these things. Let me serve you, my heart cries. Yet I don’t know how to accept an act of service myself.
As Christians, we are often taught about the beauty and necessity of a servant’s heart. But what about receptive hearts?
I think that as I believer I tend to focus on being humble a LOT. Humility is something I’m always worried I don’t have. But frustratingly enough, I can often become prideful in my humility. I’ll serve until I drop dead, but heaven forbid someone takes out the trash for me. It causes me to shut people down, to push them away, and all in the name of serving...in the name of Jesus. What? When did Jesus say that we must always serve and never be served? He didn’t, that’s when. Go look, I promise you, it’s not there. He did however, find a balance.
Though Christ did not come to be served, but to serve, both were present in his life on earth. We see this in Luke 10:38-42 when Jesus visits the home of Mary and Martha. He did not scold Martha for wanting to serve him and have things all nice. He scolded her for allowing that to distract her from simply being in His presence. Or in Luke 7, we see Jesus allow the woman to wash his feet and rub them with perfume. We do not see Jesus pull away or swap places with her. Why? I think it’s because Jesus understood the importance of having a receptive heart.
Being unwilling to receive love or service from others inevitably cuts ourselves off from them. It can lead to seemingly unreciprocated friendships, burnout, bitterness and pride. All these things will layer and become similar to the dry skin and overgrown cuticles on your feet. I know, gross, right? But when we allow ourselves to be served instead of just serving, it slowly chips away at all of this.
I have a close friend who has a real servant’s heart. It caught me off guard at first and honestly, made me feel extremely vulnerable. I assumed they just wanted something from me or that they were fake. It terrified me and the last thing I was going to do was accept any of it. Nope, not gonna happen I told myself. So I’d change the subject, try to focus on them instead, or give really vague answers. I can’t fully explain it. I just hated how it made me feel as though I was helpless, exposed, or not servant-hearted enough myself. But as time wore on, the Christ-like love that seemed to emanate from them began to heal me in ways I didn’t know I needed. I began to see how closed off I had become not only to other people, but to God. If I can’t even accept a movie ticket from a friend or a pedicure, how can I expect to receive the abounding grace and love of my Savior?
This goes beyond self-care or accepting favors from friends. It’s about having a pedicured heart.
If we don’t have pedicured hearts, hearts that are pampered by God’s endless love and grace, we can’t expect our serving to be an overflow of that. To give, we must receive. Through that friendship and through my time at the nail salon I’ve been learning that when I accept love and service, it better equips me and inspires me to give it. Being receptive also honors other peoples spiritual giftings and ultimately your relationships with them.
I do not have this figured out. Right now I’m praying through it and asking the Lord to open my heart to receive from Him and from others. I’ve been serving from an empty tank for too long. That has to change.
So let others love on you my friends. Ask God to help you receive from Him. Allow His love to pamper you. To wash over your bruises and your scars and heal you. If you struggle with this like I do, start small. Let someone do one thing for you this week, just one. It might be painful. Trust me, it felt like I was being torn apart while my feet were being all lotioned up. But I know it’s going to be so worth it in the end when we can serve God’s people with open and soft hearts.
Sincerely,
“M”